Is it worth it to you to make the effort to change your behavior?

Dealing with people and situations is not always an easy thing. There are steps that can be taken with crucial conversations that can help you to better your skills. What exactly is a crucial conversation? This can be as simple as a discussion with your spouse or a friend. Many people believe that a crucial conversation takes place between two very important people such as politicians or heads of government, but this is not the case.

Three factors that can help you to tell if a conversation is normal or crucial are, if the stakes are high, if the opinions vary, and do the emotions run strong on the subject? If you are in a crucial conversation you should stay focused on your goals.

When faced with a crucial conversation, people have three options:

1. Avoid the conversation.

2. Confront the situation and handle it poorly.

3. Confront the situation and handle it well.

So, when people are faced with a crucial conversation, what do they usually do? People are not made to be able to handle this type of situation. Emotions that people have do not prepare them to talk effectively. The body does things when faced with this type of situation, such as the adrenal glands releasing adrenaline into the blood stream. A person does not choose to do this, the body just automatically does it for them. When a conversation changes from routine to a crucial conversation, people are often in trouble.

With all the changes that your body does when you are faced with this type of situation, it does not recognize if you are being attacked by a lion or your neighbor. Your body simply prepares you for an attack. It is important that you look at your own behavior, why is this important? You have the capability of managing your own emotions. People are designed wrong, when confronted with a crucial conversation, they are in trouble. But recognizing the problems and managing emotions helps to deal with the situation and helps promote a better outcome.

Looking at your own behavior can be a key to improving your communication with others. Usually when there is a conversation, it can turn crucial with absolutely no warning. Taking time to learn your own behavior, under stress, can help you to learn how to react in a way that is not harmful and can lead to successful conversation.

Once you look at your own behavior under stress, you can understand the emotional signs, the physical signs, and the behavioral signs that can have the potential to get you into trouble. Some of the signs of stress that you might experience are:

Headache
Stomachache
Rapid heart rate
Hot flashes
Hiding your feelings
Itchiness
Anger
Depression
Feelings of inadequacy
Calling ideas or people derogatory names

You have the potential to experience a few or even all of these symptoms when you are under stress. Evaluate yourself and once you are aware of these signs and what to expect, you can choose to act differently. You can learn that you are typically not in danger and can actually start listening to the other person without stress or fear.
If you can catch the early signs that the conversation is beginning to turn crucial, you can start processing immediately. It is not easy to change your behavior midstream. When you are under stress is typically not the time to attempt to change.

Is it worth it to you to make the effort to change your behavior? Yes, absolutely it is. The more attempts you make to change and the more you practice, the more successful you will be. Everyone has had the conversation they wish they could "do over." With the use of crucial conversation skills, a person can learn to do just that.

An important step is to stay focused on what you are really wanting. Focus on the outcome you are looking for. Learn to be aware and conscious of when a crucial conversation is actually needed. The next step is to constantly assess your behavior during the conversation.

Always be respectful of the other person. You can state your purpose by making it very clear to the other person that you also value their experience and opinion. Take charge of your behavior. Do not become argumentative; this can only make the situation worse. If you put the other person on the defensive, it can prevent them from listening. Then move to action, deciding together how you will make the decision about the issue that was discussed.